


Will I Feel Broken or Totally Complete?

by lostin_space



Series: It Only Takes A Taste [12]
Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst with a Happy Ending, Arguing, Friends With Benefits, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-24
Updated: 2020-03-24
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:42:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,668
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23301085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lostin_space/pseuds/lostin_space
Summary: “Alex, you miserable, miserable boy.”“I’m not miserable,” Alex said, but that was definitely a lie. He was miserable.
Relationships: Michael Guerin/Alex Manes
Series: It Only Takes A Taste [12]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1529921
Comments: 31
Kudos: 110





	Will I Feel Broken or Totally Complete?

**Author's Note:**

> for my lovely anon on tumblr who inspired me to come back to this series! I retcon the original ending. Also casual mention of the pandemic, but nothing tag-worthy! Hope you enjoy!

“Alex, you miserable, miserable boy.”

“I’m not miserable,” Alex said, but that was definitely a lie. He _was_ miserable.

It’d been officially six weeks since he saw Michael Guerin. Michael had said he loved him, he snuck out before he woke up to clear his head, and then by the time he was feeling okay enough to go have a conversation, they were basically announcing everyone needed to stay inside and stores began shutting down. He knew the Crashdown was still staying open purely for take-out reasons, so he knew Michael was probably as busy as Liz was.

With each passing day, it became more clear that whatever he and Michael had was absolutely over. He’d basically straight up ghosted him after he had a shitty day and had confessed his love. Then he didn’t have the chance to really fix anything. The worst part was that he missed him like he’d never missed someone before.

“Alex,” Maria said, pressing her foot into his thigh since he was laying at the foot of her bed, “You’re miserable. Just talk to him.”

“And say what, exactly? ‘Hey, sorry I ghosted you, wanna bang now that the plague is under control’?” Alex asked. Maria pursed her lips and shook her head at him.

“Well, there are much better ways to go about it than that,” she said. He just groaned and pushed his face into her comforter. “Why don’t you just tell him that you miss him?” 

“Because then he’ll think I’m interested in him.”

“Alex,” Maria said slowly, “You _are.”_

 _“_ No, I’m not.”

“Alex,” she repeated, “You have been thinking about him for six weeks despite the fact that you haven’t spoken to him. That says at the very least that you care about him.”

Alex thought about it for a moment. He was interested in Michael, just not in a relationship. And, now that life was slowly getting back to normal, he would explain that. Besides, maybe that time apart made Michael realize he didn’t actually love him and he was just overwhelmed. That made Alex feel kind of weird, though. He wasn’t sure what he wanted.

“I just wish he wasn’t so fucking cute, it’d be easier to make a decision,” Alex whined.

“Well, he does have really kissable lips,” she said. Alex glared her way which only seemed to make her smile wider. “Oh, is that jealousy?”

Alex groaned loudly and dropped his head back down in irritation.

“I hate having feelings.”

“Don’t we all.”

-

Alex managed to man up and go to see Michael.

When he opened the door, Michael looked shocked to see him. Which was totally valid because, again, they hadn’t fucking talked.

“Hey,” Alex said.

“Hey?” Michael replied.

“Can we talk?”

Michael stared at him with confusion on his face, scoffing gently. He looked around everywhere except for Alex. That sort of felt like a blow to the chest, but he knew he had done the ghosting so he could take it.

“Talk about what?” Michael asked, “The fact that I told you about my dad and you left me alone? Or the part where I said I loved you and you left? Or, the part where you spent weeks refusing to talk to me during a fucking pandemic? Which part, Alex?”

“Listen, I’m sorry. I should’ve just talked to you. I was kinda overwhelmed with... what happened. Then, by the time I wanted to talk to you, I couldn’t come see you and I would’ve felt really shitty talking about it over the phone,” Alex tried. Michael raised his eyebrows and crossed his arms over his chest. It was weird seeing him so closed off.

Alex wanted the moments back from their months together just being playfully and touchy with no strings. Why was that so much to ask for? Why did everyone have to catch feelings? 

“Well, go on then. Say what you wanted to say.” Michael said. Alex looked around to where he was standing still outside the front door. If anyone walked out of their apartment or something, they’d hear all of it.

“Can I come in first?”

“No, I don’t think that’s a good idea given our history,” Michael said. When did he get so smart? 

“Okay, fine,” Alex sighed, holding his head up high, “I’m not interested in a relationship and I don’t want to leave you on.”

Michael scoffed, “Alex, are you that stupid?”

“What?”

“We _were_ in a relationship! I know it started out as just friends with benefits, but that stopped being the case when we spent every night together, spent the entirety of Christmas vacation together, talk to each other every moment of the day, and started to kiss and cuddle more than the having sex part! We were in a relationship, you were just in denial!” Michael spat.

Alex’s eyes widened and he had to take a step back. 

"You always said you didn't have time, but you made time for me. Daily. There was no one else. Why were you so scared of a label?" Michael asked. Alex was still stuck on the part where they'd apparently been in a committed relationship for months and no one told him.

"I'm not," he answered eventually, "I just didn't realize you saw it that way."

"You're such an asshole," Michael said, shaking his head, “You’re even more of an asshole for waiting this long to talk to me. What’s the point? You wait until I start getting over you, wait until I really realize I don’t have an actual chance, and then you just swoop in to drag me back in? No, I’m not doing this.”

“Look, I-I don’t know how to word this. I _am_ interested in you. I like being around you, I think you’re funny, you’re good in bed, you’re sweet, and I’ve missed talking to you more than you know. I just... I don’t want a serious relationship.”

“So you’re scared of commitment.”

“No.”

“Yes! Yes, that is _literally_ what you’re telling me!” Michael said. Alex groaned, bringing his hands up to rub his temples. This is exactly why he plans things before he says them.

“I am too young and have too many aspirations to have a serious relationship, Michael,” he said slowly, “I really like you and I like messing around with you and I like being around you, but I know that if I agree to a serious relationship, all that’s going to happen is either you’re going to get hurt or I’ll end up giving up what I want in life for you. That just isn’t a viable option.”

Michael stared at him for a moment, eyes wide and going through a billion different emotions that Alex couldn’t keep up with. It landed on hysterical amusement though. His hands went to his hair and he straight up laughed.

“Alex fucking Manes,” he said, “Why does it have to be serious? Why can’t we just be in a relationship, a casual, not-overwhelming, but still loyal relationship? Why can’t we see where it goes from here? We’re in fucking college! Why do you have to act like everything is life or death? I’m supposed to be the dramatic one.”

Alex stared at him for a moment. The idea of having a _casual_ boyfriend was almost appealing. He could have the same thing he had before, just... without the fear that a line would cross. They could just fucking be a couple. He could just be with him.

“I didn’t realize we could do that,” Alex admitted. Michael laughed, shaking his head.

“Right, that sounds about right,” he said.

“So... now what?” Alex asked. Michael rolled his eyes, his smile falling to reveal he was actually still upset. 

“Now you go home and figure out what you fucking want then you can come prove it to me like a real man, got it?” Michael said. Alex slowly started smiling.

“Yeah, yeah I do,” Alex said. Michael exhaled harshly and did some exaggerated hand movements that Alex read as _‘fucking finally’_.

“Okay, now leave and come back when you figured your shit out,” Michael said, saluting him goodbye and closing the door.

Alex waited a few seconds, staring and breathing. He could have something casual _and_ real. He didn’t have to choose. Michael was willing to just love him and know that they were living in the moment at the same time. It wasn’t a hard choice to make.

He knocked on the door.

Michael swung it open with a face full of sass. Alex just took a step closer.

“I’ll be your boyfriend,” Alex said, “We can have labels, we can just also live in the moment. I have never missed someone like I miss you and I don’t want to waste another moment. I don’t need to think about it.”

Alex tried to move in for a kiss, but Michael’s hand hit his chest and gave him a look that would’ve been laughable had it been targeted at anyone else.

“Uh, who do you think I am? You ghosted me for weeks, you’re gonna work for me, bitch. You don’t get a free pass by saying you’ll be my boyfriend,” he said. Alex instantly let out a laugh, taking a step back and nodding.

“Okay, okay,” he agreed, “Michael, will you go on a legit date with me? I promise I can make it up to you.”

Michael eyed him. “Warning you, I don’t put out until the third date.”

“That’s okay.”

“But since you have a bad reputation, I’m pushing it to the fifth.”

Alex laughed a little hard, “That’s fine too. I just want to stop missing you.”

“Okay then,” Michael said, nodding his head, “It’s a date.”

Alex smiled and already started preparing the list of all the things he was going to make up for. Starting with the whole shitty way he acted that last time they saw each other. He was going to make every goddamn second count.

“It’s a date.”

**Author's Note:**

> also on my tumblr: spaceskam


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